When you “caught” you husband acting out, if you ”lectured, attacked, threatened or suffered” you are a co-addict, which means you are “addicted to the addict”. No, this is not a joke. It is what I found when researching a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist’s website, after this therapist had been recommended to me as someone I could refer to, by a colleague who is highly respected in the community. This is scary people. Something must be done to stop these “experts” from causing even more damage in the lives of spouse’s of sex addicts.
The following are a few of the questions found on the ”Co-Sex-Addiction Self-Test” on this therapist’s website. (I think the title of the test should be “Are you normal?”)
The following questions may help you determine if you may be addicted to someone who is addicted to sex. Have you experienced any of the following?
____ taken responsibility for your partner’s sexual behavior by making excuses for him/her to yourself or others?
____ changed your appearance or dress to be more attractive or appealing in an attempt to get your partner to be less interested in his/her problematic sexual behaviors and more interested in you?
____ checked up on your partner in an attempt to learn whether he/she is behaving appropriately, by: driving by known haunts, scrutinizing bank and credit card statements, listening on the extension phone or checking clothing for give-away stains?
____ made threats to leave because of your partner’s sexual behavior but failed to carry them out or relented and returned?believed that if you changed, the addict would stop the behavior?
____ blamed yourself for your partner’s behavior?
____ given up on your own interests, neglected your own needs in trying to deal with the addict’s out of control behavior?
____ found yourself devoting large amounts of your time and energy thinking and worrying about the addict’s problems and reacting to them?
____ tried to control the addict’s behavior by hiding car keys, tearing up the magazine, calling the person the addict is involved with, etc.?
____ acted against your own morals, values and beliefs in reacting to your partner’s behavior?
____ been sexual with your partner when you did not want to in an effort to improve the sexual relationship with him/her? ____ used mind or mood altering substances to dull the pain of you partner’s sexual acting out?
and my personal favorite:
____ lectured, attacked, threatened or suffered when you “caught” the addict?
I’m still so disturbed by this that I have nothing more to say. But I don’t think I need to. The “test” speaks for itself.